


Holding On (Songfic)

by Cody_Helene



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: And social media, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), Lance thinks he's being nice, M/M, Mother Hen Keith, Observant Keith, Rejection, Songfic, The rest of the Voltron gang are here but don't really talk, and cellphones in space, but those aren't main plotpoints, but um try again later Lancey boy, idiots in space, klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 12:19:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cody_Helene/pseuds/Cody_Helene
Summary: Keith walked into the room with purpose. He was going to do it. He was going to tell Lance that he loved him, more than anything else.In which Keith tells Lance he loves him, Lance tells Keith he should join the Blade, and no one else really talks.Other plot points include: Lance's downward spiral, Keith's totally justified hissy fit, and everything completely going to shit for Team Voltron.Keith is important okay?





	Holding On (Songfic)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!   
> Welcome to my second fic!  
> I wrote this awhile ago but I wasn't sure I was going to post it, so thanks Mo (Tumbler: @Keithsjuicebox) for encouraging me to share and for beta-ing.  
> Let me know what you think? Also I may be considering writing a texting fic bc I love dialog and hate action sequences, but idk, maybe ;)   
> Thanks! Please comment, I love reading anything and everything.  
> -Cody Helene  
> Based off of _The Rush_ by Clara McHugh

Keith walked into the room with purpose. He was going to do it. He was going to tell Lance that he loved him, more than anything else.  
Lance was sitting on the couch in the lounge, a smile blooming on his face when he saw Keith approaching. Keith stopped and planted his feet right in front of him. _‘Come on you can do this’_ He told himself. _‘Just say it.’_ Lance was waiting. He didn’t say a word, just looked at Keith expectantly. Keith pulled at his hair, a nervous tick of his ever since he started to grow it out.  
“Lance, we need to talk.” Lance nodded and sat up, patting the spot next to him on the couch. Keith sat.  
“Yeah, I think we do.” He said quietly. Before Keith had the chance to say what needed to be said Lance started talking. “Keith, why aren’t you going to the Blade?” _‘Well that came out of nowhere.’_ Keith thought furrowing his eyebrows. Lance took his silence as confusion so he continued. “I mean, they need you. You’re amazing, and plus, maybe you’ll learn more about your Galra side.” Keith didn’t know how to feel about this. Lance had just called him amazing, and the idea of Lance believing such a thing made his stomach flutter, but he also seemed very adamant that Keith needed to join the Blade of Marmora. How could Keith tell him that the reason he stayed was sitting right in front of him? How could he explain his unwillingness to leave the boy he loved, without dying of embarrassment?  
“I, uhh…” Keith locked his hands together in his lap, wishing he was able to reach out and take Lance’s hand instead. Keith was always craving physical contact of any kind, he just didn’t know how to say so. _‘Just spit it out and then you can leave, just like he wants you to.’_ The thought of Lance wanting him to leave brought tears to his eyes, but he willed them away. He had become good at not crying over the years. He met Lance’s eyes, steady and expectant. “I didn’t want to leave you.” Lance waited for more of an explanation, not quite understanding what Keith was trying to say. “Lance, I really like you. Like, really like you.” Keith was never good at sharing his emotions. His face went as red as his lion, and when Lance once again didn’t answer, he knew he was going to have to spell it out. Then he could run away and hide in his room.   
“I’m utterly in love with you.”  
Keith refused to look at Lance, but if he had he would have seen the sad smile on his face, seen the battle going down in his eyes. Of course Lance loved him, but Keith wasn’t ready for a relationship then. Not when he knew that Keith had yet to come to terms with his Galra ancestry, or that he still had issues facing Allura because he somehow felt responsible for the massacre of her race. Lance looked away, his legs starting to bounce. _‘I can’t believe I’m about to do this.’_ Lance thought.  
“Keith.” Keith nodded, still staring holes in his hands. “Keith look at me.” Keith looked up to meet regretful eyes. “I think you should go.” Keith nodded, and Lance watched in horror as tears sprang to his eyes. Lance had never seen Keith cry before, he had began to think that maybe he couldn’t, and in that moment Lance wanted to go back to when he still thought that, wanted to take back his words and start over again. _‘You really need to learn to convey your thoughts better, idiot.’_ “Wait Keith.” He blurted as soon as he stood up. “I mean… Of course I’m into you Keith.” Keith was beyond confused so he just watched and waited for Lance to continue. “It’s just… I think you need to learn more about yourself before you- before we get into anything serious. What’s that old Earth saying?” Lance stared at the wall trying to remember, then he smiled sadly. “You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else.” Keith bristled. _‘Who the hell does he think he is, telling me how to feel.’_ He glared at Lance who seemed surprised to say the least about his quick change in demeanor.  
“Yeah well that’s kinda hard Lance, when ever since the Garrison, all I’ve loved is you.” He bit out, a blush growing on his face. Keith turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.  
He passed Shiro in the hall. He was getting better, Keith could tell. He was well enough to captain the Black Lion now, they were just trying to decide who was going to step away from Voltron. _‘Guess I’ll make the decision easy then.’_ Keith stopped in front of him blocking his path to the kitchen.   
“I’m leaving for the Blade first thing tomorrow.” He didn’t give Shiro a chance to respond, instead continuing on his path to his room as quickly as possible.  
*****  
Packing was easy. Keith didn’t have many possessions to bring, just his clothes and his Blade of Marmora knife. So the next morning he made his way to the transport ship the Blade had sent for him without so much as a duffle to weigh him down.  
“Wait, Keith!” He heard heavy footsteps behind him. Keith had been avoiding Lance since he rejected him the night before, not even bothering with dinner. He kept walking until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Keith spun around pushing Lance’s hand away.  
Lance looked like he hadn’t slept a wink, dark bags were under his eyes, his normally glowing skin was pale and greasy.  
“What.” Keith growled.  
“Please.” Lance’s voice cracked. “I was wrong, I was so wrong.” He said reaching up to push a lock of hair behind Keith’s ear. Keith was angry but he leaned into the touch anyway, he knew very well that this may be the last time he ever saw, touched, or even spoke to Lance. “Please stay.” He whispered. Keith stayed silent for a moment before doing something he had never thought he would ever do. He leaned in kissed Lance softly. It only lasted a second before he drew back and pulled Lance into a hug instead.  
“Goodbye, Lance.”   
And then he left.   
The ship was empty besides him and the pilot, leaving Keith with nothing but his own thoughts. He had kissed Lance. He had kissed Lance, and it was amazing. And then, even though the literal boy of his dreams was standing in front of him, begging for him to stay, he turned and left.   
“Well that’s one way to make an exit.” He told himself trying to lighten his own mood. Normally Lance would be the one cracking jokes and Keith would roll his eyes then look away to hide his smile. Lance was always one of the only things that made him smile, and Keith wasn’t going to lie, he was going to miss him. He had kissed Lance.  
Honestly, Keith would have been perfectly happy with the kiss if it weren’t for the little bit of jealousy that was lurking in the back of his mind. Not just jealousy, but also fear. He was hoping that he would come back once he ‘learned to love himself,’ and then he would be good enough for Lance. Then Lance could be his. But he didn’t know how long that would take, and what if by then someone else had seen the same things Keith had seen in Lance by then? How could someone as amazing and caring as Lance still be waiting when Keith returned?  
“It’s okay Keith.” He said to the empty ship hold with tears in his eyes. “You’re okay.”  
*****  
It was two weeks before he heard anything from Lance. And when it was only four words.  
 _‘We need to talk.’_  
Keith didn’t hesitate, he excused himself from the meeting he was in saying he would be back soon, and ran all the way in his room. As soon as he was inside the door he unlocked his phone pressing his speed dial ‘1’. Lance was always his number one, in any situation. The phone rang for a few minutes, and Keith started considering hanging up and forgetting the text ever happened. Then the call connected.  
“Keith?” Lance sounded confused. “Are you okay? Why are you calling?” Keith’s stomach dropped, he wasn’t quite sure what to say to that.  
“Um, you texted me saying that ‘we need to talk.’” Lance was silent much too long for comfort. Lance wasn’t supposed to be quiet, he was supposed to be loud and lively, always laughing and cracking jokes.  
“Oh… That was supposed to go to Allura…” Keith was glad Lance couldn’t see the embarrassed blush on his face. _‘He sent the message to me by mistake. Of course he doesn’t want to talk to me.’_ “She hasn’t really left the conference room since you joined the Blade. Shiro and Coran are in there with her. Pidge and Hunk have been working on a project...” Lance let out a bitter laugh. “It’s been lonely here since you left.” Keith was surprised at how sad Lance sounded. Not just sad. No, Lance sounded broken.  
“Lance, are you okay?” Keith couldn’t stop the question from springing from his lips, no matter how much it hurt talking to the boy he loved. The boy who rejected him.  
“...No.” There was a sniffle and Keith’s heart broke a little. Hearing Lance cry hurt more than the sting of rejection had two weeks before. It hurt more than the thought of someone else bringing Lance’s bright smile to his face did now. Keith sighed.  
“Let’s talk about it.”  
“Thank you.”  
-ONE HOUR LATER-   
“Okay, I need to go, I said I would be back by now.” Lance hummed. His tears were long gone and Keith had even had it in him to make Lance laugh a few times. Keith had missed Lance’s laugh.  
“Stay in touch Keith. We all miss you here.” Keith quietly promised he would, knowing that unless Lance called or texted they wouldn’t be speaking again. _‘It’s hard to talk to someone when just hearing their name hurts.’_  
“Talk to you later, Lance. Tell everyone I say hello.”  
*****  
It had been three months since they had talked on the phone. In his alone time all Keith had thought about was the good times he had with Lance. The laughs, the fights, the bonding moments Lance swore he didn’t remember. Keith’s love for Lance was starting to grow again, after being tamped down ever since the rejection. Keith knew it wasn’t good. And even worse he was starting to believe what Lance had said about liking him back.   
Then there was the picture.  
It was 3:15 AM when Keith saw the picture Lance had shared on all of his socials. Lance with a cute alien girl, his arm around her shoulder. There was some lengthy caption about how Lance was 'so glad to have met her,’ or something like that. Keith didn’t have it in him to read it through all of the way. Keith didn’t know what he had been thinking all this time. He wanted to blame his tears on Lance, or the girl, but he knew they were his fault. He knew he was stupid to finally believe that someone as perfect as Lance could see something in him. But he was so in love with the feeling of someone being in love with him that he couldn’t help it, and he knew that no matter how many times Lance broke his heart, Keith would always let him back in.   
Lance was a drug, he was an addict, and withdrawal hurt, but it felt oh so good when he had finally gotten a hit. He was hooked again. Then there was the picture. Keith couldn’t breathe. He was drowning and this time there was no one to pull him out. No one at all. For the first time since he joined Voltron, Keith was truly alone, and he didn’t know what to do.  
Keith spent about five minutes debating whether or not to text Lance. He knew he shouldn’t. But that was the thing about being an addict, when you’re that close to your addiction you can’t help but reach out and grab what you can. So he texted Lance.  
The text he sent was simple, and, if Keith was being honesty, completely over dramatic. It was the kind of text that gives you a heart attack upon receiving it.   
_‘Goodbye.’_ He typed hitting send before he could second guess, then, wiping tears from the screen, he blocked all of Lance’s social accounts.  
The last thing he did before letting himself fall into dreamless slumber was block Lance’s number. He was going to get clean no matter how much it hurt. After all, holding on hurt more than letting go in the long run.  
*****  
 _3:17 AM - ‘What?’ -Lance :(_  
 _3:19 AM - ‘???’ -Lance :(_  
 _3:21 AM - ‘Keith, please answer me’ -Lance :(_  
 _4:26 AM - ‘Hello???’ -Lance :(_  
 _4:31 AM - ‘ANSWER ME’ -Lance :(_  
 _4:40 AM - ‘Keith, don’t do this.’ -Lance :(_  
 _4:41 AM - ‘Don’t leave me again.’ -Lance :(_  
 _4:50 AM - ‘Keith’ -Lance :(_  
 _5:12 AM - ‘Just tell me you’re okay.’ -Lance :(_  
 _5:14 AM - ‘All I need to know is that you’re okay’ -Lance :(_  
 _5:29 AM - ‘Please be okay.’ -Lance :(_  
 _5:50 AM - ‘Please.’ -Lance :(_  
*****  
It had been four days and Lance was still waiting for answer, but Keith was worth waiting for.   
Lance wanted to contact the Blade directly or even fly there himself, but communications were blocked by asteroids, and even Keith had almost died flying to the base. Lance couldn’t die. He wouldn’t allow himself to die until he knew that Keith would still be here, safe and breathing.  
_‘I wish Keith were here.’_ Lance thought knowing his wish wouldn’t come true. He had wished it far to many times to believe it would happen now. _‘I wish Keith was home.’_  
Lance’s phone lit up with a text and he dove for it, hoping to see Keith’s name on the screen.   
_‘Kalia’_ Lance sighed.   
It was the girl he had met a few days before when he was trying to get his mind off of Keith again. She had run up to him asking for a picture, and she was a fan of Voltron so of course he agreed. He even posted the picture in hopes of drumming up support for the team. He hugged her and said goodbye but before he even turned around he thought _‘screw it’_ and asked for her number.   
It sounded awful and Lance knew it, but she had only entertained him for a few days. It wasn’t that she was annoying, or rude, or stupid. No, she was perfect. Interesting, smart, beautiful. There was only one thing Lance didn’t like about her…   
She wasn’t Keith.  
Lance ignored the message looking back out the window of the ship.  
He felt like crying. He was homesick, but not of Earth. He missed Keith. He missed him more than the stars that shone down back home, missed him more than the rain. Lance had even grown accustomed to missing his family. But he didn’t think he could ever not miss Keith. The only thing that was keeping Lance going at this point was his need to see Keith again. Lance could have become reckless like he always had before when he lost his will to go on, but instead he had become overly cautious. A hermit.  
Lance had locked himself away only leaving for food and missions. Never putting himself in a place that may make it so he wouldn’t be able to see Keith again. And the worst part was everyone was so wrapped up in their own stuff that no one had noticed when Lance stopped living. Keith would have noticed. Lance knew that no matter how uncaring Keith seemed he had always kept an eye out for his team. That was why Shiro wanted him to lead.  
Keith would notice when Pidge skipped meals, or when Hunk was being just a little too happy. He knew how to make Shiro take a break and how to make Allura leave the conference room. Hell, he even had known the secret to getting Coran to calm down and take a breather. And Keith had known that Lance was the one who needed his help the most. Keith would pull Lance to safety whenever he spiraled, he would encourage him and help him move on from his self-doubt. And he somehow did all of this so effortlessly, so subtle, that he still remained seemingly oblivious to everyone around him.  
Lance was wrong when he said that Keith needed to learn how to love himself. Lance was the one who needed to learn, and Keith was the only one who could teach him.  
Lance fell back onto his bed and huddled in his blankets letting the world move on without him.   
*****  
“You’re saying I need to return to Voltron.” Keith said. It wasn’t a question because he already knew the answer. He would be leaving. He would be seeing Lance again. Keith didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  
“No Keith. You’re not returning, you’re simply delivering a message.” Keith raised an eyebrow at this. _‘So what he’s saying is that I’m returning.’_ “Communications have been blocked far longer than we had been expecting, We need to get word to our allies, and you’re our best flyer.”   
_‘Bullshit.’_ Keith thought. _‘I’m just your most expendable pilot.’_ He gritted his teeth. He missed being part of a team.  
“Yessir.” He said coldly. “When do I leave?” The Galra in front of him grinned at his obedience. Keith had stopped fighting orders after five months here. He had always lost so what was the point.  
“Now.” Keith nodded and took the envelope he was handed. “For Princess Allura’s eyes only.” Was the last thing he was told before he had been led to his ship.  
*****  
“Princess, this is BOM-15524, requesting landing.” Keith said into the intercom. It had been a rough flight but he finally saw the castle and he didn’t know whether to rejoice or panic. He cleared his throat and pressed the speak button again. “Allura, it’s Keith, I’ve brought news from the Blade.”  
He didn’t wait long for a response that time. He heard a squeal and a ‘welcome home,’ then the shields were lowered and the airlock opened. When he stepped off his ship almost the whole team was waiting for him. Only one person was missing.  
“Where’s Lance?” Keith asked after unceremoniously shoving his message at Allura. Everything felt wrong. Pidge looked too skinny, Hunk’s smile was happy but his eyes were dark, Shiro looked exhausted, but not nearly as much as Allura, and Coran was running around talking so quickly Keith couldn’t understand.   
He didn’t receive an answer, instead everyone just looked around as if seeing each other for the first time in weeks. Keith shook his head. This was his fault, he wasn’t here when they had needed him, he hadn’t kept the promise he made to Lance. Keith gave them each a pointed look. He knew all the blame did not lay on himself, they were a team, they were supposed to look out for each other.   
“We’re talking about this later.” He said before running out of the hanger.  
Keith ran threw the castle as if he hadn’t been gone for half a year. It hadn’t really changed after all. Turn left at the fork to get to the kitchen, another left for the dining room, or right at the fork and you’ll be lead to the lounge, keep walking and you’ll find the bunks. Keith went right. His feet pounded in the hallways as he passed his old room. _‘Two more doors and then a left.’_ He told himself, taking the corner without slowing down.  
He reached the door and knocked loudly but there was no answer.  
“Lance open this goddamn door right now! I know you’re in there!” Not a second after he had spoken his fist met air.  
“Keith?” Keith stared at the broken boy in front of him, how could he have let it come this far. Lance was wrapped in his blanket, his hair long and pulled back, behind him his room was pitch black matching the circles under his eyes. Keith reached out but Lance flinched away. He withdrew his hand and nodded hiding the hurt he felt well.   
“Why didn’t you call me?” Keith asked, his voice somehow steady. Lance let out a bitter laugh.  
“I could ask you the same thing. I’m not the one who promised to stay.” Keith bit his lip.  
“No, you’re just the one that pushed me to leave.” He couldn’t hold back the comment but he regretted it nonetheless. “Why didn’t your call me.” Lance shrugged and pulled out his phone shoving it under Keith’s nose.  
“I did. You just didn’t answer.”   
Keith looked at the phone astonished. _‘89 calls to; Keith <3’_ He ignored the heart for now and opened the texting app.  
_Thursday- ‘keith please i need you.’ (Unopened)_  
_Thursday- ‘come home pls.’ (Unopened)_  
_Thursday- ‘i need you to come home’ (Unopened)_  
_Friday- ‘please.’ (Unopened)_  
_Friday- ‘everyone here needs you.’ (Unopened)_  
_Friday- ‘i was wrong. come home.’ (Unopened)_  
_Saturday- ‘i cant do this anymore.’ (Unopened)_  
_Sunday- ‘help.’ (Unopened)_  
Keith looked up from the phone dread embedding itself in his stomach. How could he have forgotten that he blocked Lance’s number? How could he have done such a thing in the first place?  
“Lance, I am so sorry.” Lance looked away so Keith grabbed his shoulder. This time Lance let him, but still didn’t make eye contact. “Lance I should have been here for you, I shouldn’t have let it get this far. I just… That girl… And I couldn’t…” Lance looked at him now, confusion showing in his eyes.  
“You mean Kalia?” His voice was raw, so different than the normal silky smooth sound Keith was used to. Keith waved the name away with his free hand.   
“It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about me, and I’m not here to make excuses.” Keith’s problems would wait, all that mattered to him then was Lance. “I’m sorry Lance, I was a terrible friend and there’s nothing I can say to make it better-” Keith would have kept rambling but Lance cut him off by grabbing his free hand that was now madly gesturing.  
“No Keith, you’re not a terrible friend. Don’t say that. You’re right, I pushed you away. I was scared, but I’m not anymore.” He looked at his sock covered feet. “The only thing I’m scared of now is losing you.”  
Keith couldn’t help it, he pulled Lance into a hug. Lance quickly returned it.  
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.” Keith whispered into Lance’s ear. Lance shivered.  
“It’s okay. You’re here now.” Lance’s reply made Keith smile for what felt like the first time in ages. Keith stayed in the embrace a while longer before pulling away. He gestured into Lance’s room.  
“Why don’t you go grab some clothes and take a shower?” Lance looked hesitant so Keith smiled at him, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “I’ll still be here when you’re finished, promise.” Keith thought back to the last promise he had made. “And I don’t plan on breaking another promise to you, ever again.”   
Lance finally returned the smile and pulled him inside, closing the door behind them.   
“I won’t be long.” He said walking into the connected bathroom. He looked over his shoulder at Keith. “I expect you to be right there when I come back.” Keith nodded.  
While Lance was in the shower Keith spent his time unblocking Lance on everything. He opened the messages but left them unread knowing that Lance was on the edge when he wrote them and not quite thinking straight. When Lance returned he seemed very happy to see that Keith had literally not moved from where he had been placed. He walked over and sat beside him.  
“She was just a fan you know.” Lance’s voice broke the silence. Some of his light had returned but Keith could still sense shadows lurking. “Kalia, I mean.” Keith shrugged.  
“I probably would have realised that if I read the caption all the way through, but I couldn’t get past the part where you were ‘so happy to have met such an amazing woman.’” Lance chuckled, the noise warmed Keith’s chest.  
“I have to admit, that was a little out there.” He looked at Keith, blue eyes concerned. “You really worried me with the ‘goodbye’ Keith. I almost had a heart attack.” Keith cringed.  
“Would it help if I told you I was drunk?” Lance nodded and Keith chewed at his bottom lip. “Well, I wasn’t. Just over dramatic and stupid.” Lance grabbed his chin making him look him in the eye.  
“You are not stupid Keith Kogane.”   
“And you are nothing less than perfect. I don’t ever want to come home to find you like this again.” Lance sighed and looked away.  
“You’re leaving again.” It wasn’t a question.  
“I promise I’ll visit more often. You were right when you said they needed me.” _‘No he wasn’t, stop lying."_  
“We need you more.” Lance said quietly.  
“What are you asking me, Lance?” This time it was Keith that made Lance look at him.  
“Stay.” He said blushing, leaning in closer to rest his forehead against Keith’s.  
“Okay.” Keith agreed easily, fully intending on staying with Lance until the end of time.   
“Okay?” The other boy said, like he didn’t quite believe it.  
“Yes Lance, I’m coming home.” Lance didn’t give him an answer, instead he closed the gap between them, softly pressing his lips to Keith’s.   
It was different than their first kiss. More meaningful, more loving. It lasted a few moments before Keith pulled away images of sad eyes and protruding ribs appearing in his mind.  
“As much as I love you, we have a few other people we need to take care of.” Keith said standing and pulling Lance with him. “You make Pidge a sandwich, I’ll talk to Hunk.” Lance nodded following Keith through the door.   
“What about the others?” Keith sent Lance a mysterious smile, finally deciding to give up his secret.  
“Believe it or not, if you lock them in a room together Coran tires them out so much that they normally just all fall asleep on the couch…” He shrugged smiling at the memory. “It’s kinda cute actually.”  
“Wow, who knew Keith was such a softie?” Lance said poking him in the side. Keith grabbed his hand, interlocking their fingers.  
“I have a feeling you did.” He said as they disappeared down the hallway.  
*****  
Keith knew that holding on hurt more, but when he was hand in hand with the boy he loved, there was nothing in the galaxy that would make him let go.  
*****

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> If you have any comments on the fic please share, I'd love to read them. Also I'm bored and have lots of time to write so if anyone has any prompts/ideas let me know and I'll see what I can do.   
> (Tumblr: @cody-helene)


End file.
